Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
