i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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