low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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