when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
