Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
