Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
