see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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