so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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