yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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