He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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