We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
