She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
