four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
