If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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