But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
