tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
