There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
