Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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