you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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