I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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