So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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