3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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