If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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