I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
