what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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