When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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