Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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