Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My feet surprised me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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