Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize