Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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