is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
