My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
