I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize