You kept calling me your small dog last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
