He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
