Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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