The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize