Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
