If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
