Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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