New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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