yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
