i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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