my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
