I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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