he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize