Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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