i don't like sucking hair
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
