Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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