Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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