i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
