Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
