my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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