Well apparently he's into motor boating.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I party with great urgency now.
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