you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
