she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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