But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
