me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
