A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
