You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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