I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
