Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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