We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
