This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
