until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
