It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize