party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
