Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize